The Wind of Now
Awareness and equanimity seem to work together.
Awareness notices.
Equanimity allows.
If awareness notices without equanimity, there is a tendency to interfere, to judge, to prefer, to resist.
If equanimity is present without awareness, there is little clarity about what is actually happening.
Together they form a balance.
It is like standing watch at the gate of a city.
People come in.
People go out.
The watchman notices them but does not follow them into the city. He does not stop them on the road. He does not become involved in their business.
He simply knows who is coming and who is going.
Meditation can feel much the same.
Sensations arise.
Thoughts arise.
Memories arise.
Plans arise.
Awareness notices them.
Equanimity allows them.
Every now and then something interesting happens. A chain of thoughts is suddenly noticed that had apparently been running on its own. Awareness catches up with it.
Then a question arises:
Was I thinking those thoughts?
Or were the thoughts simply thinking themselves?
At that moment the chain often stops.
It becomes obvious that part of the mind has simply been gnawing on itself, turning thoughts over and over for no particular reason.
And even that can be allowed.
Awareness notices.
Equanimity allows.
As thoughts are seen, they loosen.
As they loosen, they pass.
What is beneath them becomes visible.
Not because it is forced.
Not because it is analyzed.
Simply because it is allowed.
This morning a memory surfaced from years ago.
I was on a cruise ship near Key West.
When I woke up and looked out over the ocean, there was not a ripple anywhere.
No waves.
No movement.
The water stretched in every direction like polished glass reflecting the morning light.
I had never seen the ocean like that before.
I have never seen it like that since.
The memory appeared for a moment and then drifted away.
What remained was the feeling itself.
A windless mind.
A thoughtless calm.
Not the absence of awareness.
The absence of struggle.
The mind sees thoughts.
Watch them.
Do not grab them.
Do not push them away.
The impulse to hold them is another thought.
The impulse to reject them is another thought.
Let those pass as well.
Every thought has weight.
To carry thoughts requires energy.
When they are no longer carried, something becomes lighter.
The lake becomes still.
And awareness rises naturally into the open sky, floating on the wind of now.
Spiritual Gravity 